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Woe. - The Rancho Commons
Note to self: no whining, no slacking
aspiring2live
aspiring2live
Woe.
Dude, I'm barely keeping up with life here. Or so it feels. Brief, blurry collage follows.

I bought one of these wallets and I really love it so far.

We went to Carowinds last Tuesday for Josh's ninth birthday (on Wednesday). It rocked, of course, and we rode the Nighthawk which blew me away. Best ride EVAR! You start out standing and it lays you back flat as you begin the ride. Then you proceed to zoom about, mostly hanging like you are in a hang glider, through a series of loops, barrel rolls, and inversions. It is so intense, I actually found myself thinking, "I hope this harness holds up, I'm a pretty big guy!" Rarely am I actually, you know, scared on a ride. This one does that for me. It was an excellent day full of good memories.

I have too much music in my music library. It is unmanageable, especially since I put iTunes on my box once and it rearranged it all into some Apple-centric gibberish. iTunes is off my pooter now. Hated it. Soon I will be in the correct mood to make progress with this. It is a combination of feeling incredibly patient, as well as being ready to prune the poo out of music I haven't listened to in, literally, years. Yeah, I really need Benedictine monks singing REMs "Losing My Religion," heh.

If someone would just die (or not) and leave me about 100K, it would erase nearly all of my life's mistakes and I'd never, ever make them again. Anyone, anyone... Bueller?

In my dreams, I live my life just like a Gene Hackman movie. When I wake up? It's more like I'm stuck in John Luvitz mode.

Yeah, that's the ticket!

If I were a good man, I'd understand the spaces between friends (Random Pink Floyd Quote section - New with every post!) (Yeah, probably not.)

We broke down and saw Iron Man at the $2.50 theater. Outstanding, just like I'd heard it was. It's a keeper. I read that this was the role of a lifetime for Robert Downey, Jr., the movie he was born to do. I agree. I like him, though he's had a lot of self-induced problems. He's human, and you want to see him "make it," no? Have you ever seen him in that Elton John Video? One cut all the way through, the camera is on him as he walks through a huge, vacant (and tacky, rich people have no taste) mansion lip synching the song flawlessly. You haven't seen it? HERE! I woulda embedded it, but it's disabled by the evil music company.

A 15 year-old kid was playing football for his school Friday night. It was just another hit, (you know we teach them to hit hard!) but his head got smacked back in just some special, one-in-a-million way that caused massive head trauma. He died last night at the hospital. If he'd have been a year older, he might have been my patient but he was, thank God for this, in the Pediatric ICU. I'm as tough as a Gene Hackman movie at work but, mark my words, somewhere, at sometime, I would have cried for him.

Moving on.

I have been reading you guys, nearly all of it. You make me happy, you know that?

I think I made an unconscious decision sometime in the distant past to exchange cold comfort for change. Meaning, I gave up change in favor of the other. I was mistaken. Must work on that.

Less numbness, please. Life, come prick my finger kick me in the junk to get me moving again.

Oh yeah, in case you are wondering, this post is brought to you by post-work fatigue (read: fugue) and a combination of not working out recently and an inconsistency in my brain chemistry altering med consumption.

Questions? I thought not. You're probably better off.

Family interaction time. Wish me luck!

Tags: , , , , , , ,
Current Mood: Fugue State
Current Music: Balboa Park - Bruce Springsteen

7 aspirations -{}- aspire with me
Comments
schmimi From: schmimi Date: August 24th, 2008 09:57 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm still reading too. :) I think I forgot how to comment though.

Hope you get some good sleep.
aspiring2live From: aspiring2live Date: August 25th, 2008 01:04 am (UTC) (Link)
I fell down on the friend job first. I said I was going to e-mail you but I chickened out/procrastinated/ignored it in hopes it would go away. In the end, I just didn't feel qualified to dole out advice on areas in which I had little to no experience. I should have said so before now. You have a good head on your shoulders. From what little I know of the situation, I would guess it's one that you have to take day-by-day, event-by-event and think on your toes. So far, you've made it.

All that being said, now I can move past my all-or-nothing nature and begin to communicate with you again. All I can say is I'm sorry for being the kind of person I am, and for allowing that to happen.
acey From: acey Date: August 24th, 2008 10:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thanks for the update, Bruce. :) Egad, Josh is nine! Sounds like a fun birthday. I'd be waving from the ground at the scary rides though.

Most of us cry. Many cry in private. So it goes.

I have a question. '...exchange cold comfort for change' *whoosh* That went right over my head. Should I get it?
aspiring2live From: aspiring2live Date: August 25th, 2008 01:20 am (UTC) (Link)
It's an allusion to a Pink Floyd song, Wish You Were Here. I waxed cryptic for a moment, sorry. What I was really saying was that I've realized something that I have done, subconsciously, that I now want to undo.

Awhile back another flister was talking about having gone skydiving. I related to her story by saying I had planned to do the same thing for my 40th birthday, but, as my children had come along, I decided against it. I decided it was too much of a risk to take for too little gain. What if I died? What if I was a para/quadraplegic from an accident? How would I explain to my sons that I thought a 3 minute thrill was worth taking their father away from them?

She responded with something (and I paraphrase) like, you can't sit by and watch life pass by, you have to live it.

I know I was right in my decision. She was right, too.

I've traded chaos and change, and stepping outside my comfort zone for cold comfort. Read my journal byline. I say I sometimes feel like a 2D object in a 3D world. Why? I've been on the sidelines, where it's safe and comfortable, for too long.

While I remained safe and responsible in my decision, I also planted the seed for, and have tended faithfully, a major regret. I fostered a large regret because of the possibility of a larger regret. Sure, if I'd jumped I might have died or been permanently injured, but most likely I would not have been. However, by deciding not to do it, I guaranteed that I would always wonder, always wish I had done it.

That is unacceptable. I've been wrong in my right-minded, overtly responsible way.

And, most everything can be related to a Pink Floyd song if you are a true fan! ;-)
acey From: acey Date: August 25th, 2008 01:28 am (UTC) (Link)
Reminds me a little of the Mark Twain quote which spurred my big life change ten plus years ago:
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines, Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream."

I'm living proof that a person can change. It's seldom too late to move on.
gillian16 From: gillian16 Date: August 24th, 2008 11:23 pm (UTC) (Link)
Reading that football player story made me forget to breathe for a second.

I did get your reply to my post with the Marine info and I will probably end up emailing you about that. Thanks for taking the time to reply. xo
aspiring2live From: aspiring2live Date: August 25th, 2008 01:28 am (UTC) (Link)
I had a lot to say, but a little time and space, so it didn't come off well. I'm here for you should you have questions.

Like, do recruiters lie? NO! and yes. They sell you a dream, a fantasy. The reality is a lot less "fun" and a lot more mundane than one would think. My recruiter made slogging through the rice patties of Vietnam look like an all expense paid jungle adventure! He glamorized it, and told funny anecdotes, and reminisced like it was the highlight of his life (maybe it was). Young men hunger for adventure and comraderie. It's a deceptive trap disguised as a wise choice in some ways. And yet, I DID get exactly that, adventure and comraderie. In retrospect, some of the best days of my life were spent in the Marines, commiserating with my buddies over our dismal situation. Or so we thought in our arrogant, ignorant, youthful minds.

Really, like most other aspects of life, you get out of it what you give. It can be a massive opportunity, or an egregious waste of time. Ryan, having learned from his mother, will make the best of it, I think.

BTW, you should read my reply to Ang-o above if you didn't. It's relevant.
7 aspirations -{}- aspire with me