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This is my real life, no fakery or false enthusiasm. - The Rancho Commons
Note to self: no whining, no slacking
aspiring2live
aspiring2live
This is my real life, no fakery or false enthusiasm.


Well Evan has been out of school all this week due to rejection. His stomach has rejected everything in one direction or the other. Yesterday (Wednesday) he actually began keeping food for more than a few minutes, but he was still draggy overall. Today, though he could have gone back to school, will be a day of hydration, nutrition, and recuperation.
Translation: more screaming, romping, whining, arguing, rowdiness, confusion, annoyance, and, um, fun(?) than any parent could ask for, AGAIN! ;-)

I had an interview yesterday at the "other hospital" for the supplemental ICU pool. I'm beginning to wonder how many hoops they have for me to jump through before I meet their obviously desperate needs. She "threatened" with a telemetry test to check my knowledge of heart rhythms. Apparently, they have hired enough people who were weak in these skills that they feel a standard must be met. I was stonefaced about it, because my skills are more moderate than meager, but I'll brush up before they give me the test, probably at the next interview! Whew! I know the "really bad" heart rhythms and when to call for help, but I have room for improvement.

My weight is hanging in the 20 pounds down department. This is proof that I can conserve energy (read: be lazy) better than the average hibernating bear. I am going to start walking again when it gets just a touch warmer than arctic blast around here, and I am also going to strength train here at home (starting...?). The latter will interfere somewhat with my actual "weight loss" progress, but I have plenty of fat to exchange for muscle. Besides, though I have a lot of weight I need to lose, it is more about how I feel and look to myself than it is about "the loss." I'd rather be a strong, healthy 200 pounds, than a weak, unhealthy 170. The work continues.

I still haven't lost the overall general feeling of a downward spiral, but the descension has slowed somewhat. Hrm, maybe if I got off my sorry ...., did something useful, went to church... you know the regular top five off the "aspiring" list. Sigh.

I have a really good work schedule, one of the best I could have, I think. But, I still have that phantastical dream, nearly buried, of making a real living doing a job I actually love! Wouldn't that be grand? My life certainly isn't what I imagined it would be when I was Evan's age. In fact, I had absolutely no clue what my life would be like when I was nine. It was an important aspect of my childhood my parents overlooked in my development. Direction. Like, "What do you want to be when you grow up, son?" What kind of job do you want? Where do you want to live? How many kids do you want? Not that I would have been able to foresee, clearly, what my future was going to be. But, at least I would have been looking in the direction of my future, you know? Instead, life smacked me in the back of the head, the big breaking wave, as I looked ignorantly shoreward, knee deep in confusion. I've been stumbling about ever since. I have been very fortunate to have stumbled upon the life I have; I certainly don't feel like I deserved it, or earned it or anything. Now, with my sons growing older every day, I have this dread feeling like when I was a kid bringing home a bad report card. You know that feeling? Like, it's too late now to repair my lack of effort the last nine weeks, but I would if I could. Only, it is nine years and counting every day. Spilt milk, I guess. But I digress.

Aspiring here. Aspiring. Deep breath, hit enter, get up and move away.

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5 aspirations -{}- aspire with me
Comments
dancingwaves From: dancingwaves Date: February 5th, 2004 09:57 am (UTC) (Link)
So proud of you! Keep it up, Bruce!
aspiring2live From: aspiring2live Date: February 5th, 2004 11:04 am (UTC) (Link)

Re:

Thanks Steph! I looove encouragement. It gives me a happy face!
alphapythia From: alphapythia Date: February 5th, 2004 10:23 am (UTC) (Link)
Congrats on the weight loss! I'm hanging at 20 down too. I read that thats pretty common actually. A lot of people loose 20 more or less and have a loooooooooooong plateau before the next loss. Just stick with it- cause when it starts back you'll usually drop to with 10 lbs of your goal relitively fast--- but most people give up before they start loosing again.

I'm really happy for you!
aspiring2live From: aspiring2live Date: February 5th, 2004 11:05 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Cutting losses

Well, congrats to you as well. As you know, yet I will say again because it is pleasing knowledge, you've probably lost significantly more fat than 20 pounds worth, what with your "more pointy" face and hard, bulgy muscles popping out everywhere. IF I had even been considering Yoga, your links to pictures of positions sealed that decision forever. Those would be unflattering positions for me to be in when I was wheeled into the ER on a stretcher!

"usually drop to with[in] 10 lbs of your goal relatively fast"
Being as my goal is over 90 pounds from my current weight, I hope it isn't TOO fast! Mainly, I hope it is a gradual loss related to my genuine change of lifestyle. But I also like the phrase "relatively fast" that you used because I like any use of the word "fast" in relation to me weighing less.

BTW, thanks for keeping me on the friends list. I admit I was surprised I survived the cut.
alphapythia From: alphapythia Date: February 5th, 2004 11:33 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Cutting losses

Of course you did silly! I have an ethical obligation to stay around and screw with your world view as much as possible. ;)

My goal is 48 lbs away.... so I'm stretching too. It's hard I know. I do love yoga... I do I do... and not everything is that hard. It's worth a try--- just go and only do what you can. :)

As for "relatively quickly"... relative is a slippery word, but I've been told that the first big plateau is the hardest to break- after that I think a contant healthful lbd or two a week is more possible. I'd love to be at my goal by next Halloween or Christmas, but we'll see.

5 aspirations -{}- aspire with me