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It's been one week. I guess this is for real. - The Rancho Commons
Note to self: no whining, no slacking
aspiring2live
aspiring2live
It's been one week. I guess this is for real.
Where have you gone Joe DiMaggio Jason Ouderkirk,
our nation turns its lonely eyes to you.


Woo, woo, woo.

This is a ramble. You have been warned.

Remember when you were young, you shone like the sun.

Nearly a month ago, I recommended a couple of journals you should read. I was excited to have added them to my friends list, and they are both very worth reading. However, about a week ago, one of them (recycling) decided it was time to bring the LJ portion of his life to a close.

You reached for the secret too soon, you cried for the moon...

I don't blame him, really. LJ is a big time-waster. Really. I enjoy posting, reading entries, commenting, replying, documenting aspects of my life which are important to me now, or may become so later. I haven't even known about it for quite a year yet, but I absolutely love Livejournal. But this isn't about that.

Jay had a very successful LJ experience, at least from my perspective. He posted compelling, intriguing little glimpses into his mind that ran the gamut from silly, fantastical anecdotes to dark suicidal confessions. I found him accidentally, perhaps even through clicking the random journal button before I gave up that activity as depressing. Maybe one journal out of 100 random ones had any redeeming quality whatsoever. But that was, and is, Jay's journal. He was so successful in LJ, he often had a hundred or so comments/replies to an entry. It must have been difficult, at times, to keep up with all the comments, to reply to them all, or most, to even care that others cared so much. At times, it must have become overwhelmingly burdensome. I don't blame him for ending what he started here a year ago. But, this isn't about that either.

Well you wore out your welcome with random precision...

Maybe it is about incomplete experiences in my life, which sometimes leave me feeling incomplete as a person. Maybe it is a feeling that "all good times are dead and gone" as an old Bluegrass song wails. But not, because I hope know that isn't true. Maybe Jay has confirmed what already seems too true sometimes, that all good things in life fade away, or end abruptly just when you began to count on them, or get squashed or crowded out by bad things and responsibilities, and sometimes even negligence. We all feel that way sometimes. Don't we? Do we? I need to know that you are struggling too. Not so I can revel in your misery. Not so I can commiserate. Just so I know that there is possibly a good reason behind it all. I could easily say that Jay gave up struggling, cold turkey style, by dropping his LJ. I don't really believe that, though. I think it's more like, he decided to plug this massive time leak in his life in order to bail his efforts into more "worthy" aspects of it. Or something. That kind of leaves the rest of us floating like so much bilge, eh? But I digress.

Come on you raver, you seer of visions,
come on you painter, you piper, you prisoner and shine!


Whatever the reason, I wish Jay all the luck in the world. I sincerely believe he has the potential to become a successful writer. Whatever that means to you or him. I've begun to reevaluate my notions of success in the last year or two. Success to me is a lot of things, but chief among them is making enough money to at least survive without suffering, working as little as possible for "the MAN" to earn that money, and spending the rest of your time with those you love most (including yourself, love that "me" time). And, I've also recently begun an "active" effort to sit here at the box less, and move around more. Warmer weather will help, as well as losing more weight (hint to my own body, duh).

And we’ll bask in the shadow of yesterday’s triumph...

My issue with Jay isn't that I'm upset he quit LJ, or even that he left that farewell post with comments turned off. I know he probably did that to avoid the pining and puling that would follow from people who hadn't even been commenting to his journal. I'm guessing, too, he was afraid he would be talked into changing his mind by some of his more persuasive friends, something that experience had probably already taught him. My issue is that Jay was one of those rare finds in my life. He was someone I immediately liked enough that I wanted him to like me. How dare he already have more important people to entertain, or to share with, or to encourage, than me. I am happy for him, and sad for myself, that he had the strength, the strength to walk away from this. If it meant as much or more to him as it means to me to have this place to write and read, then it was strength indeed to give it up for potentially better (we assume) things.

I hold a small hope that I haven't heard the name, Jay Ouderkirk, for the last time. Perhaps I'll even have the good fortune of meeting him at one of his book signings in years to come. I even fancy the idea that he will remember me from our very brief LJ encounter, though I don't even dare to lend much credence to that one myself. One thing about life, it always moves, and you have to pay attention so you don't get thrown off or crushed underneath. So I accept that life has simply shifted along some fault line and separated me from someone I was planning to be buds with longer than this. And to Jay I would say, should he ever read this...

Come on you boy child, you winner and loser,
come on you miner for truth and delusion, and shine!



Short version for cut skippers: I only have a handful of friends on here, so pleeease nobody else leave! ;-)

(Italicized portions courtesy of Simon and Garfunkel and Pink Floyd)

Current Mood: reticent
Current Music: "Shine on You Crazy Diamond" by Pink Floyd

12 aspirations -{}- aspire with me
Comments
sarahrae From: sarahrae Date: March 13th, 2004 11:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
thank you for saying what we all were thinking.
From: moxiebramble Date: March 13th, 2004 11:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
yes - exactly and precisely. Totally, completely.
aspiring2live From: aspiring2live Date: March 14th, 2004 08:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
Your kindness is appreciated. I'm glad to know what I said meant something to others here.
aspiring2live From: aspiring2live Date: March 14th, 2004 08:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
You are welcome! And, I had to. Thanks for ready and telling me what you thought. It has meant a lot to me to know I wasn't alone on this one.
halieknife From: halieknife Date: March 14th, 2004 12:15 am (UTC) (Link)
I absolutely agree with the previous commenters. This was eloquently and caringly written. Thank you for giving a wonderful individual and equally wonderful send off.
aspiring2live From: aspiring2live Date: March 14th, 2004 08:19 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you, and you are welcome. Props to Jay for inspiring this post. We'll all miss him here.
From: rosablanca Date: March 14th, 2004 12:40 am (UTC) (Link)
This was such a beautiful and honest entry :)
aspiring2live From: aspiring2live Date: March 14th, 2004 08:22 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you so much. I was fortunate to have an inspiring subject. Yet, we are all unfortunate together for the loss. I'm happy to have said something that others appreciated.
thedeepgreensea From: thedeepgreensea Date: March 14th, 2004 05:05 am (UTC) (Link)
I almost posted something like this....
kenopolis From: kenopolis Date: March 14th, 2004 09:43 am (UTC) (Link)
Okay, I hope you don't mind my adding you to my friends list. Anyone who can say things like that about my best friend is a friend of mine.

Your post put a smile on my face, and made me reminesce.

(raises his glass) To JAY! Thank GOD he just quit LJ, but is still alive! I can not imagine how I would feel at his funeral...
aspiring2live From: aspiring2live Date: March 14th, 2004 08:14 pm (UTC) (Link)
I am pleased that my post also brought you happiness. You are very welcome to add me. I appreciate your comment, thanks!
From: sinister_siren Date: March 14th, 2004 11:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wow! Perfect! Thats how I feel about Jay too. He's a great guy and I wish him all the best in the world!
12 aspirations -{}- aspire with me