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Just some stuff... - The Rancho Commons
Note to self: no whining, no slacking
aspiring2live
aspiring2live
Just some stuff...
It has bothered me somewhat recently that, not only have I not posted much in my journal, especially of any real substance, but I haven't even wanted to when I tried. I've thought about why that is, and I think I know. At least, this is my best shot at it. First of all I adore LJ and read it multiple times every single day. So, it isn't that I'm tired of journaling. In fact, I often read the content in numerous other journals, LJ and others, and think to myself, "Now that's how I should be writing in my journal!" And I can, I know I can write well enough to express myself in the ways that I want to.

So, herein is the rub. I think I have been hesitant to do so because nearly all the people who read this are so different than me. I understand my strengths and weaknesses pretty well, and one of them (because sometimes it is one, and sometimes the other) is that I am driven to please everybody. This is why I recognize myself as a good middle manager, but not a good senior manager. You can't please everyone all of the time, but I end up trying. It isn't because I'm so "caring" about others feelings, it is a drive deeper than I understand. It is often irritating, even to me. That being said, I think I started out in this LJ experiment trying to write "on eggshells" because I didn't want to offend anyone, and I also abhor conflict. I'm no drama queen (or any kind of queen, for that matter! ha!) or king by any use of the term.

However, as all of you would undoubtedly concur, it would not be true to the nature of a "personal" journal, which I intend for mine to be, if one didn't feel free to be personal. In struggling with these conflicts, I have been on a voluntary hiatus of sorts. I plan to end that, and write exactly what I want, when I want, and put into words what I am thinking about things. Not to offend, and not to cause intentional conflict, but because this is where I live, and it's time for me to put the furniture I'm comfortable with in here. Right?

Therefore, should the tone of my writing change in a way you find unpalatable, feel free to tell me if you need to and can do so in a mature and civil way. But feel free to also drop me from your friends list if you find yourself irritated more than pleased with my posts. I'll do the same, because, as we all know, this isn't real life, this is LJ. I have a lot of things on my list of what to worry about ahead of "why so-and-so dropped me from their friends list." As do you, I'm sure.

Now, sit back and let's see what happens. Maybe nothing. Maybe a lot. I'm not sure where I'm heading just yet. But I'm going to be here for a while and I plan to say whatever I want. No apologies for that.

Thanks for reading! And I really mean that!
10 aspirations -{}- aspire with me
Comments
dancingwaves From: dancingwaves Date: September 1st, 2004 07:38 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm really glad that you wrote this, and that you're going to start being more "you" in your journal.

I look foward to your entries.
aspiring2live From: aspiring2live Date: September 1st, 2004 10:19 am (UTC) (Link)
Yeah, your turn! ;-)
thunderslug From: thunderslug Date: September 1st, 2004 08:48 am (UTC) (Link)
Brain dumps and Mental Floss are your friends. Worrying about your LJfriends is not.

And if you don't offend someone *sometime*, you're not letting yourself out...*everyone* has things that offend people.
aspiring2live From: aspiring2live Date: September 1st, 2004 10:21 am (UTC) (Link)
I agree with you. I'm going to work up something offensive real soon! ;-)
thunderslug From: thunderslug Date: September 1st, 2004 10:46 am (UTC) (Link)
It's easy! And fun!!
zoomardav From: zoomardav Date: September 1st, 2004 02:06 pm (UTC) (Link)
That's great. I read live journal to get different points of view.

So, go Go GO!
aspiring2live From: aspiring2live Date: September 1st, 2004 03:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
Stand by for GOing, and such.
schmimi From: schmimi Date: September 1st, 2004 06:37 pm (UTC) (Link)
One of the things that I love about LJ is the chance to read about lives and opinions that are very different from my own.

I know what you mean about the people pleasing. I struggle with that one all the time. It's something more than just wanting everyone to like me... but I'm not sure what it is.
aspiring2live From: aspiring2live Date: September 2nd, 2004 06:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
Are you an adult child of an alcoholic? I know that is one of their symptoms. I'm not, but both my grandfathers were alcoholics. I doubt that is relevant. Mine may come from being an adult child of a father who was absent a good bit due to the Air Force rather than alcoholism. Or from being a nerdy kid who would have done anything to "fit in." Now that I do, maybe I want to keep everyone happy so they'll like me, I don't know. Anyway, I don't think I care if everyone likes me. I'm not sure where it comes from either. :-/
schmimi From: schmimi Date: September 4th, 2004 09:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
Bingo! My father was absolutely an absentee parent, largely due to alcoholism, but there were other factors as well. It's funny that you mentioned that, because I spent much of my 20's grappling with it, and had convinced myself that I'd dealt with it once and for all... and laid it to bed... you made me realize that the aftermath never truly goes away, no matter how much processing you do.
10 aspirations -{}- aspire with me