Do NOT Drive:

• Drunk


• Without your seatbelt


• With the cruise control on when you are sleepy


• Really, really fast


• Like your favorite cartoon character


When trimming your trees, Do NOT:

• Let the tree fall on you


• Cut off the limb on which you are sitting


• Rest the moving chainsaw blade on any part of your body


• Fall off of the roof, ladder, or van on which you are standing


• Work without safety climbing equipment after two previous severe falls


Also Do NOT:

• Consume alcohol and argue with an armed relative


• Consume alcohol and play cards with an armed relative


• Consume alcohol and threaten to kill, during an argument, an armed relative


• Get in the car with your brother and drive over to your
  ex-girlfriend's house unarmed because she calls you
  complaining that her new boyfriend is drunk and beating
  her up. Because when you arrive, he will proceed to stab
  your brother in the liver and you in the heart


• Attempt to leave the ground in or on any motorized vehicle
  like you saw at the "Monster Jam" at the coliseum


• Ride bulls for a living



Finally, Some Things You Should Do:

• Wear Safety belts, oh yes, they DO save lives!


• Believe death threats from drunk relatives


• Use safety gear, no matter how silly looking or
  uncomfortable, for ALL sports, recreation, and
  work activities in which you engage


• ALWAYS know and respect your limitations


• Be kind and polite to your ICU nurses, who control
  the administration of all pain meds

Tags: humor, wisdom, work