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Joshisms - The Rancho Commons — LiveJournal
Note to self: no whining, no slacking
Josh: Are you young, Mommy?
Allie: Well, I'm 37 years old.
Josh: Wow, that's a lot of olds in you!

Allie and Josh entering a store where there is a guy ringing a bell for the Salvation Army...

Josh: WHY does he keep ringing that BELL!?

(Allie says that Josh, being an uninhibited 4 year old, says out loud the things we, as adults, keep to ourselves.)

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1 aspiration -{}- aspire with me
alphapythia From: alphapythia Date: December 9th, 2003 06:07 am (UTC) (Link)
Only in a hospital:
> A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in
> the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
> dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that
> there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
> Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
> At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
> slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I
> instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the patient.
> Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
> One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
> husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
> minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he
> had died of a "massive internal fart,"
> Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
> I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.
> I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your
> right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Left."
> Again, he flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He
> couldn't even read the large letter on the top line. I turned and
> discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing
> there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the
> exam.
> Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
> During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,
> he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his
> medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put> on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put
> it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't
> see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Since this
> incident, the instructions now include removal of the old patch before
> applying a new one.
> Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
> While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,"How long
> have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
> answered "Why, not for about twenty years -- when my husband was alive,"
> Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
> I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So, how's your
> breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly.
> I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then
> asked to see the jelly and the w oman produced a foil packet labeled "KY
> Jelly."
> Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
> And Finally . . . . .
> A new, young MD when doing his residency in OB,was quite embarrassed
> performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had
> unconsciously formed a habit of whistling. The middle-aged lady upon
> whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing which
> further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said,
> "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song
> you were whistling was 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener."
> --------------------------------------------------------
1 aspiration -{}- aspire with me