Disclamer: Another post for myself about weight loss. I spare you all with this disclaimer. I spare because I love. Run!


Another pound off this week.

Only a pound a week is still a pound a week. This is easy to remind myself of after I've lost a pound, but not so much before. Still, I am so happy every time I see this because I know, I KNOW I have finally found a "doable" way to escape this fat, disgusting façade that is my body. Allie puts her arm over me in the bed and it reaches further, I feel it ever closer to my ribs. I lay flat on my back and my abdomen is aaaaalmost flat, a very big change. I can feel the drop from my ribs to my stomach with my hand, and I can feel the tip of my sternum again. These are changes most wouldn't understand, but they reaffirm to me that, although I can't usually see the changes because they are slow as a glacier, I am changing, and for the better. At work, I'm able to do five, or even seven flights of steps and not be as winded and fatigued as when I did three flights a few months ago. Now, almost in celebration, I make sure I do five flights or more at least 3 or 4 times every shift I work.

Oh, yes. And I eat. I eat meat and sugar, vegetable and fruit, protein and fiber, I literally eat anything and anytime I want to. The change has been in how much of selected items I allow myself to eat. I'm never hungry because I'm limiting food. When I am hungry, I eat till I'm full, or very nearly full. In retrospect, these changes are so subtle I'm surprised my body knows the difference and sheds pounds accordingly. These changes are so easy I can't believe every overweight person who has tried them hasn't met with the same success and happiness I have.

I find myself combing through my pictures, looking for differences between the most recent, and the recent past. There really aren't many changes notable as of yet for, even though I have lost over 20 pounds, it isn't a significant change when I started at nearly 300. Not significant, yet. But, I'm picking the pictures that demonstrate just how severe "the problem" had become. I'm judging each picture on its before qualities. I'm waiting for that first pic that definitely has some after qualities apparent in it. I know for certain this time, that I will eventually have dramatic photographic results. Every day, my life changes for the better. That's a view I haven't held since, ever. That's why I keep coming here and writing about it. This isn't a "weight loss diet" or a "lifestyle change." Its significance is most aptly demonstrated by the fact that I can't begin to label it. I can't express exactly how positive an experience it has become to feel like I have actual control over some little part of my existence in this place.

I guess it shouldn't be a shock, though it still is to me, that in "aspiring to live" I might actually get there. I might actually begin to feel as if I'm living instead of surviving. Ah! I recognize this now! Hahahaha! It's HOPE!

For those with programs, yes, I did actually just figure some of this out as I wrote this entry. And today's numbers are 291/267/~180

Tags: aspiring to live, diet