Now, this does nothing to solve the problem that I have no friends to call me on it. Unfortunately, this phone is doomed to very light usage. At least ninety percent of my calls will be from my wife using her light usage cell phone to call mine. Sad, but true.

I have a plan I'm going to propose to Verizon. The "Five Dollar Friends" Plan, I think I'll call it. For five bucks a month extra, they will provide you with at least thirty 2-minute calls from people ("friends") who will ask you about a list of people you provide, remind you of any appointments, ask you questions about your life/job as if they cared and tell you interesting factoids about events in their scripted fictitious lives. I think this will be big. In fact, I think it's going to turn into the cellular version of LJ, with more features for higher tiers of service and everything.

There are a lot of people out there more lonely, sad, pathetic, and wealthy than I. Yessir. I'm sure of it. Bookmark this page. Put it in your memories. You can show your friends.