I cannot claim to be the one who came up with the joke as it is an old one; but, it is often repeated that Trauma and Emergency nurses/doctors should write a book called Suicide: How to do it right the first time Yes, more dark hospital humor. However, it is one of those jokes whose real humor is in the truth it contains. I've seen a lot of failed suicide attempts. Let's see:
-Guy who held a can of gunpowder in which he had placed a fuse against his chest with both hands. He got burns to both hands, his face, and a rectangular 3rd degree burn to his chest. And, a long, painful, expensive recovery.
-Guy who bought fifty cents worth of gasoline (about 4 years ago), poured it over his head, and lit it on fire. He took about a week to die.
-Guy who squirted a whole can of lighter fluid over his head and lit it. He died in three days.
-Gal who jumped in front of a fast moving SUV. She got fractures in both legs, one arm, and her pelvis. And, a long, painful, expensive recovery.
-Guy who shot himself with a .38 in the chest, and when the hole didn't bleed, he put the gun under his chin and fired again. The bullet tore a cross-shaped hole under his chin (which was easily sutured) pushed past his tongue, went through the roof of his mouth, and was removed from his left nostril. He got a few stitches. And, a short, painful, expensive recovery.
-Gal who took a whole bottle of Tylenol, resulting in a date with a really large tube in her nose going to her stomach, several large, nasty glasses of a charcoal substance, and permanent liver damage. And a brief, painful, expensive recovery.
Then last night, we got the type of suicide attempt I had heard stories about, but had never seen. A guy placed a shotgun under his chin and fired. It blew off (and disintegrated) his lower jaw, blew out his upper teeth, blew off his nose, blinded both eyes, and left a large hole where his midface used to be. He got a tracheostomy to establish an airway, a staple line from where his chin used to be to where the tip of his nose used to be, and a large wet dressing in the center of this face. Oh, and of course, a long, painful, and expensive recovery. Not to mention he will look like some type of cartoon character the rest of his life. (A Dick Tracy Villian of some sort comes to mind.)
So, please, people! Stop trying to kill yourselves or consult with a professional first so you do it correctly! This is usually a long, painful, expensive recovery!
And now, we sleep and go do it again, anon.
Are we not lucky to learn these mistakes from others? It's sad, I know. If only you could bring teenagers in the unit and they would actually believe it could happen to them. I know it never would have worked on me though. Humans aren't so smart, you know. Not really at all.
I feel better. Now for some sleep and another trip up mountawesome!! (You should try it!)