I swear I saw my sister's face on a milk carton this morning. I thought "chat rooms" were just intangible spaces on the Internet where pasty, insomniac nerds typed away the midnight hours. But I think she has been abducted into one and is being held hostage, somewhere.
I've recently started a campaign to lose weight because if I gain any more I won't fit in my computer chair anymore, and I'll be derned if I'm going to stand for that long! I'm telling Allie it's a health thing.
You know how you can take two magnets and turn them a certain way and they will vigorously resist the other, no matter what? I'm learning that my body and a daytime schedule are like that.
You know that Atkins guy who advocated a high protein, nearly carb-free diet and claimed it was healthy 30 years before anyone else agreed? He supposedly died recently, but I'm wondering... You think somebody read his book, and ate him?
I recently bought this heavy chain so I could hook it to the back of my Explorer, wrap it around some of my shrubs, and see if I can pull them up. The mental image you have now is the main reason I haven't tried it yet. I have neighbors.
I'm losing the pool battle again this summer, for lack of motivation. I need a pool girl but I doubt my wife will let me have one. Why is it, as kids we will swim in the scummiest looking mudhole but as adults the pool has to be crystal clear and blue?
I'm certain if I just had a PDA it would help me in some way to accomplish more around the house!
I swear I will never again click the "Random" link and read journals, after tomorrow, or maybe Monday.
- Is there an illness with the symptom of groin sweats?
- If I gain one more pound, I won't be able to... clip my toenails!* (You thought I was going to say, "...wipe my butt," didn't you?)
*On a side note, I tried getting my wife to cut them, and she did, but she cut several too short and nearly hobbled me. Lesson learned. No problems with her wiping so far though!
- I have recently stopped biting my fingernails after decades of that habit. Now I'm having to clip them all the time and it's a pain! I think I will patent an emory board cover for steering wheels so you don't have to clip your nails anymore. This could work on all kinds of products: hand rails, refrigerator handles, pencils, toothbrush handles, forks. They laughed at Edison, too.
- Is the whole world getting oilier or is it just my face?
The methane produced by cow poots is destroying the ozone layer according to scientists. Who listens to these people? Are we now going to see cattle with trap bags stuck on their butts like big weather balloons? What HazMat category is that going to be? And how long till we have to drive cars that use cow poot fuel? Brings a whole new concept to human-powered vehicles too!
I'm trying to decide which is worse, having all the rats, which I recently euthanized, digging an underground complex and living in my yard; or smelling and dodging the numerous mounds of nearly liquid dog stool (she has a condition) they were consuming.
That's all that's worth telling, if that, from the Rancho.