I Alone

It's 1am, so it's now day 12

260, 13 pounds down in 12 days.  Hunger has almost completely resolved as of day 10.  Energy level is great.  I cannot tell I am not eating by the way my body feels.

I'm having a little difficulty with finding appropriate juices that taste good, but I've been just throwing stuff in the juicer to see what happens.  I think I might get some recipes off the 'net to try.

I need to start walking now.  No excuse not to.

More to come.
I love food

Full Disclosure

In the past 9 (almost 10) days, this is all I have consumed that is not fruit and vegetable juice:

1 banana
~4 small apricots
2 tiny slivers of avocado
~6 spoonfuls of Pace Picante sauce (mild)
~3 radishes

I have also had a few cups of Motts Garden Blend juice.  I highly recommend it!  But I want to find the  Low Sodium version.  Original: 410 mg, Low Sodium: 140 mg per 8 ounces.

In addition, I have had several varieties of green tea.

Sue me.

What I have NOT had: Preservatives, Processed Foods, Meat, Artificial Sweeteners, Soft Drinks, Caffeine, excess Sodium, or any other solid food than the above listed.
I Alone

Day 8

Officially over a week into juicing now. 261 this morning (from 273). I am now established on this journey, the single step that started it is safely behind me and my resolve seems to be improving. Numerous times every day I feel like quitting. But, I haven't.

I need to make a better effort at keeping busy for one thing. Now that I'm stabilized in this effort and my energy level has normalized, I am going to start walking and moving around more.

The first time I tried juicing, I did 12 straight days out of an initial goal of 15 days. But, then I quit. I had a lot of good reasons at the time. I wanted to eat, was the main one. It's astounding how encompassing the feeling of hunger can become if you allow it. To some extent, you have no choice. You can't control the feeling that comes up in your stomach at the mere smell, sight, or thought of food. But, I started thinking the last time about how much I liked food, and how much I missed food. I started to think about the foods I loved, and soon I was focused on the foods I simply must eat the day I completed my fast. It was New York style pizza from a local restaurant. I imagined it, savored it, dwelled on it. Pretty soon after that started, I ate it.

So, this time, I am making an effort not to fall into the trap of imagining food and anticipating it's entry into my gullet. This, I recognize, is the path to failure. Now, after fasting for 7 days, I won't count it a total failure if I get up from here and go grab a chili dog out of the kitchen. As Joe Cross of Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead says, if you are shooting for a 10 day fast and you only make it 7, "Well, good on ya for trying, mate! Good on ya for trying!" (He's a little bit Austrailian).

So, on day 8, looking forward and struggling through the smells and scenes of food around me, sometimes right next to me crunching and gobbling, I head to my juicer and think, yeah, good on me.

As Joe always says, juice on!
I Alone

Day 6 is done, going to bed.

Days 3 and 4 were bad, especially 4. I was convinced that I was suffering raging starvation all day. I was, of course, but that's no excuse. I remembered that I have to do things to keep busy. If I don't think about it, I don't really starve, but if I sit in a chair and think about it...

Today was 262. Hunger resolved mostly on day 5 and today (day 6). Still, I'm 6 days into a 60 day goal. 1/10th. I know now that I have the strength of will to go without food and juice only, it's the resolve. That's where they get you. Therein is the rub. I CAN do this, but I really don't WANT to.

So, the question now is, can I trick myself every day into passing just 60 short days without quitting. Can I focus on the right things mentally and do the right things physically to keep on track? There's something worth sleeping on. And I'll wake up in day 7.
I Alone

Another perspective from Joe Cross

Joe Cross is the guy that made the documentary Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead I've recently referred to in another post.

"If you let people in white lab coats design your food, you'll see people in white coats to treat your disease." --Joe Cross

Oh, how we are being duped by the people that produce our "food" and those that make huge profits off of the resulting deleterious health effects from it.
I love food


Day 3, juice only. Started 273, this morning 264.

I had a headache last night, pretty sure it was probably from caffeine withdrawal. However, I spent a few hours out in my parents hot, sunny yard yesterday while the boys and I helped them get their raised beds populated with veggie plants. I drank juice and lots of water, but it still could have been a headache from mild dehydration. I'm making sure to keep my water intake high so that isn't the problem if I get more headaches over the next day or so.

Energy level is good. The first day I was starving, yesterday I was hungry, so hopefully today I'll be numb. Last time I juiced, I had a goal of 15 days and made it 12. I quit because I was so pissed off about all the great food I was missing out on. In other words, I lost mental focus. I let my attitude go in the wrong direction. Instead of seeing how much I had gained and accomplished in 12 days, I allowed myself to think about what I was missing out on.

This time, I am aware of that error and I am working to keep it from happening. Last time, my end weight was 258, and this time I started at 273. Probably about 10 pounds of that was fluid and food in my gut, which is mostly gone now on day 3. So, while it sounds like I gained a lot of weight back, I'm thinking less than 10 pounds of actual weight. More like 5.

More as I progress.
I Alone

Gotta get back up. Day 1

Yesterday. 273. Started juicing today to see what I can accomplish. I've been watching lots of inspirational material on Netflix. If only I had known some of this stuff when I was younger. Recommended list of videos to educate yourself about food, health, and everything you don't know about it that's killing you:

Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead - The movie that inspired me to change. That gave me hope when I had none left. It's also available on Netflix.

Food Matters This is the trailer for the movie. It's available on Netflix. "Every culture, every language, every person in the world knows it... you are what you eat. Food does matter."

Hungry For Change Trailer for the movie, available on Netflix. "The problem is, we are not eating food anymore, we are eating food-like products."

More information as I progress.

One nurse's opinion...

Posted this elsewhere a couple of days ago, but I think it belongs here as well.

For those who may have heard about the 87 year old woman who stopped breathing at a nursing home in California and the call between a 911 operator and the “nurse” who was refusing to give CPR because the facility had a “policy”, I’m sure you’ve heard plenty of outrage over it, and may be outraged yourself. I want to speak up on this.

Firstly, the facility is backing the worker, which tells us right up front there is more to the story. They are on rock solid legal ground or they would hang her out to dry, meaning, there was obviously an agreement on how to proceed in such a situation already in place, most probably a signed agreement between the facility and the patient or patient’s relative. So, it is my opinion that there was no legal wrongdoing.

Secondly, the daughter said she was satisfied with the care provided to her mother. As you must know, if there was any hint of negligence she would be outraged, UNLESS she wanted mama to die so she could collect money or such. Possible, not likely.

Lastly, and this part is based on my personal experience, this lady was beyond hope the minute she stopped breathing. Yes, she may have been resuscitated and transported to a hospital, and all manner of lifesaving measures might have been used to prolong her death. But, at 87 years of age, her ribs and sternum would not have withstood the forceful and, yes, brutal procedure of chest compressions.

It is nearly guaranteed she would have had multiple rib fractures, possibly a sternum fracture, and a lot of soft tissue damage to her body, to include probable severe bruising to her lungs, as well as damage to her cardiac muscle. These things would be difficult to manage and overcome in a young person, much less in someone of that advanced age. I’ve personally felt the crunch of ribs and seen the aftermath. Believe me, the death that is almost definitely assured to occur within a few days is much less peaceful and comfortable than someone who simply stops breathing and dies in their sleep.

Anyone who has worked as a nurse in an ICU will tell you that there are “things much worse than death.” I once heard a trauma surgeon telling another doctor how to break the news of a patient’s imminent death to family members and it was such good advice that it has stuck with me. He said, “Tell them we can prolong his death, but we cannot prolong his life.” That is a very important distinction.

People who are “brought back” are frequently subjected to getting a breathing tube and a ventilator, are placed on powerful drugs to keep them out of pain and unconscious, and to keep their heart beating, and to keep their blood pressure up, and have numerous tubes placed in various orifices to maintain bodily functions over which they no longer have control. Believe me, this is a sugar-coated version of the reality. All of these measures, especially in an 87 year old, are very unlikely to result in a positive outcome for the family or the patient.

My feeling is that this daughter knew these things as truths, and did not want her mother to suffer the ravages of advanced “lifesaving” attempts. She may have even been prompted through conversations with her mother to pursue a “do not resuscitate” order or to sign an agreement not to initiate CPR. We just don’t have enough information on this event, but that hasn’t stopped all manner of outrage from coming forth directed at this facility, nurse, and daughter.

Until you’ve been there as a healthcare provider, patient, or relative, you cannot know what the right decision is for you and your family. But, based on the information we DO have, my opinion is that this lady was allowed to pass in the most dignified way her circumstances allowed.

The code for LJ cuts should be tl;dr

262. Dropped off a bit there, sorry. I went to the evening of the 12th day of my juice fast. That's right, I jumped out of my 15 day goal. I figured that, even though I knew I could make the 15, if I continued to the end, I'd be so pissed at juicing I'd never do it again.

Once I was able to think properly again, which apparently requires pizza molecules, I figured out my error, and a solution, and my next goal. Yes, the pizza was that good. I had unconsciously allowed my thought patterns to shift away from what I was accomplishing and I began to focus on what I was missing; what I was being "deprived" of. I started obsessing over food which intensified the hunger and longing and trashed my morale. In retrospect, the arbitrary goal of 15 days was not the best method.

I plan to start juicing again this week, probably tomorrow. This time, my goal is to break 250. Last time, I started at 274.5, ended at 258, and have stabilized at 262-264. So, my net loss was over 10 pounds for a 12 day fast. This time, I'll break 250 and probably end up around 254/255 when I start eating again. Rather than fix a set number of days to fast, I'm targeting a weight to break. That way, a few days in, when I'm starting to dwell on all the wonderful foods I'm NOT eating, I can reach my intended weight goal sooner by exercising more. INCENTIVE!!

Oh, and if I just get downright pissy again or obsessive about food? I'll eat something. Not every day, not every 3rd day, but like, maybe once a week or something. This is a consideration and not a concrete part of the plan as yet. Mainly, though, I expect success because this time I'll be aware to avoid a shift in my thinking to what I'm "missing" and remember what I'm losing.

I looked at my tag "weight" a few days ago and was saddened by how long it's been. How long I've been affectionately called "big guy" by people who barely know me. How long I've berated myself and hated myself, no loathed myself... One of my life's successes so far has been making sure my boys didn't have weight issues. I hope they never will. If they do, I'm going to counsel them and encourage them and support them. I'm going to "bug" them about it every time we talk until they hear me. 20 pounds when your 30 turns into a hundred when your 40, I'll tell them, and it does nothing short of ruining. your. life. until you drop it. They'll know how I know this.

On a more positive note, I looked at my work badge photo, which is just over 2 years old because I got a new badge when I changed jobs. I had crept up over 300 to a maximum of 314 around this time. When I looked at that I realized I had lost over 50 pounds in the last 2 years and it gave me a surge of optimism. Maybe I won't have to be buried in a piano case. ;-) It made me realize I need to rethink things yet again, to start expecting to lose down under 200 pounds, because that can actually and realistically be accomplished in our lifetime!

And, because this post is only annoyingly long and not yet impossibly long, let's talk drugs. Still off all my depression meds and I've recognized some feelings of mild mania and depression associated with my cyclothymia. I guess I had once again convinced myself blindly and ignorantly that all that stuff was gone away. Ha. Uhhhh, yeah. So, recap, my brain isn't as balanced as yours. I have... issues. But I think I'll be able to manage without medicine. I think diet and exercise and weight loss will all positively impact my brain function. Some days I'll want to stay up and not sleep and others I'll sit on a chair and take note of the fact that I'm just not motivated enough to do the things that I intended to do that day.

It's a brand new concept for me; where I understand my imperfections, I acknowledge my strengths and shortcomings. It is conceivable that, with time, I might even come to like or even love myself. The telegraph worked, man flew, space travel happened. It's conceivable.